it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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