It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
