Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
