I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
