woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
