so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
