Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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