Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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