good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
