A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
