i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
