Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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