I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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