i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
