were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
