But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
