is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
