I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
