Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
