I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
