You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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