I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I checked into jail on foursquare
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
When are your genitals available?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
