There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
