He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
