I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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