Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
