So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
