I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
