If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
