i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
