her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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