That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
