We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Randomize
