Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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