kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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