this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
