On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
