My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
