oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
