Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
