I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
