I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
