It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
