The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
