I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
