in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
