I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
