Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
