Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
