ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
