Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
