Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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