You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
