the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
