I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
